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Sep. 4th, 2015

write it better than you felt

September 4, 2015

Where do you see yourself in five years?

Talk about a tough question. I don't even know where I'll be in 1 year. I would like to be married with 1 child by then. I'm going to be 30 in 5 years. I would like to feel like I have my shit together. We'll see.    

Sep. 3rd, 2015

write it better than you felt

September 3, 2015

Where have you found evidence of a higher power?

I'm pretty pessimistic, but I like to remain neutral in terms of a higher power. As far as family members watching over me, I feel a great comfort knowing my grandmother and cousin and other close people to me, are watching over me. I found myself very depressed on Sept 1 this year because that would have been my grandma's birthday, and I was very sad most of the day until I was reminded how she's with me in spirit. It helps me cope.  

Sep. 2nd, 2015

write it better than you felt

September 2, 2015

 Is your home/apartment clean?

It's a bit cluttered but it is generally pretty clean. I could pick up a few things to tidy up, but it's nothing embarassing. I could also do a really good shampoo/carpet clean for the stains.

Sep. 1st, 2015

write it better than you felt

September 1, 2015

Teacher or student?

I have always felt like I did better as the student. I absorb knowledge way better than distribute it.

Aug. 31st, 2015

write it better than you felt

August 31, 2015

What was the last wedding you attended?

The last wedding, and one of the few I have been to, was my little sister's wedding. I was at my highest weight - 315 pounds, and no one from the wedding even recognizes me now! It was a beautiful outside farm/barn wedding. There were cows in the background. My dad made a white birch alter. It was perfection, especially for my country girl sister and redneck husband. I remember bursting into tears seeing how beatiful she looked walking down the aisle.

Aug. 30th, 2015

write it better than you felt

August 30, 2015

What's your simplest pleasure?

Small reminders of my importance. It serious takes a small reminder than you're thinking of me to make me smile.

(I'm doing a shoot with the Mooi Models today!)

Aug. 29th, 2015

write it better than you felt

August 29, 2015

What did you have for dinner?

I went to the beach with Ben and Remi and then we stopped at Sawyer's for an outside dinner. It was really nice. I had chicken tenders and fries.

Aug. 28th, 2015

write it better than you felt

August 28, 2015

How would you describe your victory dance?

I throw my hands straight up in the air. That's how I celebrate :)

Aug. 27th, 2015

write it better than you felt

August 27, 2015

When was the last time you worked out?

An actual gym workout has been about a month for me.. unfortunately. But I was planning on going to the gym some night this week. I did hike up Castle in the Clouds during my patternworks photoshoot on the 18th of this month. I really need to get more active and start exercising more often. I have started taking my multivitamins and calcium chews again, so that will help me with the recent health issues (I HOPE!)

May. 18th, 2010

feel alone

Everything could be everything, if only we were older.

Okay, so this is a quick update. I haven't done one for a while. My days have been extremely busy with work. I have been working full day shifts for the past 5 days, I'm very excited to say I only have a 4 hour shift today and then 4 days off. 42 hours in 6 days, not too bad. I will love it pay day. My mom thinks I purposely took the 4 days off in a row, and I didn't. It just worked out that way. I definitely KNOW that I need shifts and hours to get all the money for what I plan on doing. This is not news to me.

So Joe and I haven't talked much in the past couple days. We finally got to talk tonight, and it was different than usual. I think he was mad at me for the first half, even if he said he wasn't. I think we got in a fight Saturday night, but I honestly can't remember. He was pretty upset for a while over some things that are happening in his life, and I don't want to be mad at him for anything. For a while there, I felt like I was losing him, and it scared me. I am worried that we are growing apart, my feelings are strong, but I'm not sure what they are right now. I need to see him, and I will pretty soon. I don't want to fight with him again between now and then. I'm going to be positive and hang out with my friends while he does his finals and things. I'm scared that when I move out there he will not talk to me or hang out with me, and I know that is unlikely, but I don't feel very important to him. Not all the time. I feel like I am trying so hard to keep him, and if he doesn't want me, why should I keep trying so hard? I'm just concerned. I hope seeing him will help, but the limited communication and seeing each other sucks. I know he cares, but I also feel he doesn't care nearly as much as I do.

So I'm going to bed now.


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